Jared (my ex-husband, pseudonym) and I took a trip to Aspen Colorado after Ian died. One day our host suggested we ride the chairlift in town to get an aerial view of the Rockies. The day was beautiful, but when we made a U-turn at the top of the mountain a storm was brewing.
EXERPT
“Pumped by a strong wind, our chair began to swing back and forth. I turned and looked over my shoulder. Twisted black clouds whirled toward us. Thunder cracked, and streaks of lightning danced in the distance. My neck muscles stiffened. “We could get hit by lightning.”
“We’ll be all right,” Jared reassured me, but the approaching storm had wiped away his grin.
The chair inched along. Rain pelted us. Our chair rocked, giving me motion sickness. Now the jagged streaks of lightning surrounded us, and for a moment, I had an urge to pray. All at once, the pace of the chair quickened. Nearing the end of our ride, we prepared to make a dash for the shelter we’d identified at the far end of the park. As our toes touch ground again, Jared and I ran for cover. Connie (my sister) and the others followed behind.
As we approached the shelter, I saw a small child. My knees locked, and I was unable to walk further. Coming from behind, Connie hooked her arm through mine and pulled me up on to the gazebo. I couldn’t take my eyes off the little boy, a brown-haired freckled little boy approximately Ian’s age. He was laughing as Ian had once laughed; a deep, bouncing belly laugh, his soft blue eyes ablaze with delight. His parents stood by him, watching each step as he sailed back and forth, back and forth. Then the boy stopped, swirled his body around and around in a circle until he was too dizzy to stand up. Plop, he fell to the ground giggling and slowly rolled over. But as his mind eyes met mine, he quit laughing. My grief had become a vacuum pulling him into my hungry eyes. It frightened him and sent him searching for his mother’s arms, and as he clasped his tiny limbs around her, my whole body cried out to hold him, to hold my son again, to nestle him in my arms, to feel his heartbeat next to mine, to stroke his hair, to feel his flesh beneath my lips. To whisper “I love you” in his ear just one more time.”